Ali Lewis meets the makers of a new film showing on DR this summer that offers a uniquely Danish take on the masculinity crisis portrayed in the Netflix series “Adolescence”.
The crisis in masculinity is one of 2025’s major talking points. Earlier this year, the Netflix series Adolescence, which explores the influence of online misogyny and societal toxic masculinity on the murder of a young girl by a 13-year old boy, became the platform’s most watched show ever, topping its charts in 75 countries. The show has since sparked many debates around how we can and should raise boys to become healthy, happy men who love and respect women.
Denmark might seem like an obvious place to find the answers to these difficult questions. The country is seen by many as a paradise of equality: in 2023 Denmark was ranked the best country in the world to be a woman, according to the Women, Peace and Security (WPS) Index. Girls do better academically than boys at school, are more likely to hold university degrees and are supported by one of the world’s most progressive legal systems to thrive in life and in their careers. The percentage of women working outside the home is one of the world’s highest, supported by generous shared parental leave rights, and women can walk the streets at any hour without fearing for their safety.
At first glance, Verdens Sødeste Mænd, or The Nicest Men on Earth, a new film coming this summer to Danish national TV channel DR, looks like it might hold the solutions to the crisis in masculinity. If this is the best place to be a woman, surely the country must be getting it right with men and boys too. However, the film’s creator-directors, Josefine Exner and Sebastian Gerdes, present a more complex, troubling perspective. They are concerned with lifting the lid on feelings, perceptions and experiences that they feel generally go unspoken in a country always ranked one of the happiest in the world. The film’s title, they stress, is intended to be ironic.
“It’s almost like being sweet is a privilege as a man.”
“We talk a lot about sweet and soft men in Denmark, as if it’s totally ok to be like this,” says Exner, “But it’s almost like being sweet is a privilege as a man and you can only risk being sweet and sensitive if you are also socially successful. What if you’re a soft, sensitive guy who lacks success and doesn’t have great self esteem? Are you as attractive? We thought there was a kind of double standard and we wanted to explore that.”
Masculinity is a hot topic now but when Exner and Gerdes first started talking to others about their idea nearly four years ago, they found it hard to get interest. “When we pitched the idea people were like, ‘You want to make a film about men? Why? Everything is about men!’ says Gerdes. “The perception was there were no issues to discuss, and now the crisis of masculinity is everywhere.”
The Nicest Men on Earth is a documentary following three men at different stages of life, all living in Denmark’s second biggest city, Aarhus. The youngest, Lasse, is in his final year of school and in love with his female best friend but concerned he’s not masculine enough to be desirable to her. Jonatan, a stay at home father of two young children whose wife has a high-powered career, feels lost. In his eyes he’s neither his children’s favourite parent nor successful in the eyes of society. He resents his more successful university friends, who have all moved to Copenhagen, and is worn down by his daily routine. Thomas, in his 60s and an architect, feels inadequate next to his wife, who has been much more successful than him in the same field. He longs to earn enough to buy a sports car without having to seek her approval. His bitterness about lack of career success has even led him to refuse to attend public events celebrating his wife’s achievements, which she has found hurtful. “You didn’t want to be known as Anna Mette’s husband,” she says.
“All the privileges that women in Denmark have are not set in stone. They can disappear quite easily if men feel feminism is a bad deal.”
The three men portrayed in the film are definitely not completely nice, which is the point. “We wanted the title to be provocative,” says Exner, “Yes, there is a really high level of equality in Denmark. We have accomplished a lot of things that people are only talking about in other countries, but we wanted to explore the blind spots. The same issues are happening here that are happening in the UK and US. When we watched Adolescence, we actually said to each other: it looks a lot like Denmark. Young people here are huge consumers of UK and US culture so of course we will see the same problems. All the privileges that women in Denmark have are not set in stone. They can disappear quite easily if we create a society where men feel feminism is a bad deal.”
“I don’t think we’re afraid of women but we know they don’t need us. I think that creates a profound fear in men,” one of the film’s participants says. It is a fear that in the UK and the US leads some men to seek solutions in the misogyny of the online manosphere.
The portrayal of three different generations of men was central to the film’s concept. “We wanted to see whether there have been changes over time, Gerdes explains. “In the 70s, the generation Thomas comes from in the film, the idea of soft men was starting to take hold. And now we have the youngest generation who are almost going backwards. They talk about how being soft is weak. We wanted to explore why this might be happening.”
“We thought the humour might make our film more accessible to a wider audience…but then once you have seen it, it makes you think.”
Unlike the hard-hitting and often traumatic tone of Adolescence, Exner and Gerdes always wanted The Nicest Men on Earth to be humorous. Their subjects laugh and joke about their problems, while stay-at-home dad Jonatan’s weary wrangling of his children in the supermarket and cursing while tidying the kitchen provide some of the film’s most relatable moments for any parent. “We thought the humour might make it more accessible to a wider audience,” Exner says. “We didn’t want it to reach only a Copenhagen audience who already embrace the soft, sweet man. We hoped people would be drawn to the film as a cute, easy, short watch but then once you have seen it, it makes you think.”
The portrayal of school-leaver Lasse is likely to be the one international audiences find the most heart-warming. A million miles away from the teenage protagonist in Adolescence and closest to the “nicest men on earth” ideal, Lasse is open, caring and part of a supportive, affectionate group of male friends. He frets with them over beers about possibly being too soft and sensitive to be appealing to girls and they comfort each other with hugs and even kisses on the cheek. Despite his insecurities, Lasse is comfortable enough in his own skin to sing love songs in an all-male choir and not feel the pressure to change himself. “I feel like I can just genuinely express myself with him,” Lasse’s female best friend says. “You make me feel incredibly safe.”
“We started out filming the choir of boys,” Gerdes says, “Lasse stood out because he was so honest about his feelings, especially around topics that are hard.”
“We also wanted to film the choir because there are a lot of young Danish men exactly like these guys and we knew a Danish audience would relate,” says Exner. “That culture of singing together is probably quite specific to Denmark!”
“It becomes harder than you imagined to keep that openness that Lasse and his friends have as you age.”
An international audience, on the other hand, will likely find the soft, sensitive version of masculinity embodied by Lasse and his friends significantly more evolved from the way young men behave in other countries such as the US and UK. Gerdes and Exner are keen to challenge any assumptions that the younger generation have solved the crisis in men or that Denmark is a model of ideal masculinity.
“Lasse really reminded me of myself and my friends when we were younger,” says Gerdes. “We’d be sitting in the park drinking beer, being competitive in fun ways but still close. We looked down a bit on the adult men around us; we thought we weren’t going to be like them. But when you get older, gaps open up. Suddenly one of you is earning more and can afford three kids and an apartment, and you don’t feel so connected and tight-knit. All this plays a part in how we interact with each other. It becomes harder than you imagined to keep that openness that Lasse and his friends have as you age.”
Perhaps the most moving portrayal is of stay-at-home father and archaeology graduate Jonatan, pleading with his young children to behave while despondently pushing a shopping cart around Rema 1000. Jonatan feels that his wife is still his children’s preferred parent, despite the fact he’s the one with them all day, doing the bedtime routine every night. “I don’t think you can be a good dad without accomplishing something,” he says near the start of the film. He’s so wrapped up in feeling lesser that he doesn’t notice his son trying to take his hand.
“It’s very sensitive for older men to show their feelings on camera.”
“It was very difficult to cast men who were willing to talk about fatherhood and be filmed in this role,” Exner says. “We were casting for about a year before we found Jonatan. It’s very sensitive I think for older men to show their feelings on camera. The younger generation find that easier and it’s maybe more normal for them to be soft but older men have more concerns. Women tend to be better at talking about feelings but my experience is men don’t do that with each other, even though we are supposed to be this perfect country.”
Through Jonatan and also the film’s final subject, Thomas, Exner and Gerdes explore what they see as one of Denmark’s blind spots when it comes to men: placing genuine value on fatherhood. Men might have significantly more parental leave rights than in many countries but it has not necessarily transformed the status fatherhood has in Danish society. Unless this change happens, men may retreat back to the workplace, undoing the progress the country has made.
“Having a job seems to be more important socially for men than women,” says Exner. Gerdes agrees: “Humans want to feel needed. Men can’t give birth and they can’t breastfeed. They look at their female partner and children and think, what can I do? How do I fit in this constellation? Often they conclude all they can do is spend more time on work so roles can become more traditional at this stage in life.”
“Being a father is very important…way more important than earning a lot of money.”
In The Nicest Men on Earth, Jonatan’s journey is learning to value himself as a good father. He might not have the same career and financial success as his university friends, but he is present with his children, playing elaborate imaginary games with them and earnestly answering their questions about science over the dinner table. He comes to realise that he will only have his children at home for a short time and his role as their father is just as important as working outside the home.
“Our film is very much about how being a father is very important, and it might be way more important than earning a lot of money,” says Exner. “And it’s very interesting that that argument is now being made by [leading Danish psychologist and researcher] Svend Aage Madsen in his new book Argumenter for mænd (Argument for Men).
Thomas, the film’s final subject, has been the primary parent to two adult daughters while his much more successful wife often worked away from home. Now in his 60s, he’s reflecting on a lifetime of feeling lesser and at times bitter now it’s too late to accelerate his career. He wishes he had the earnings to buy the sports car he desperately wants without having to seek the approval of his wife, who earns double his salary. Exner and Gerdes wanted a participant who reminded them of her father, whose role as the primary parent was very unusual thirty years ago. Again, they found it very difficult to get a man to agree to be filmed in this role.
“We tried so long and hard to find someone who reminded us of Josefine’s father but wasn’t him!” Gerdes says. “So in the end we just had to cast him!”
“We realised it’s still a huge taboo earning less than your wife,” reflects Exner. “Even though we say we have a lot of equality in Denmark, nobody wants to talk about that. It should be totally normal and it was for me growing up in my house, but older men especially find it so awkward to talk about. My father liked the film very much when he watched it though. It was a bit of an out of body experience for him seeing himself on screen but I think he also saw he could recognise himself in the portrayal.”
“I hope our film shows that if we have to change anything, we have to change the idea of role models.”
In the end, Thomas comes to the same realisation as Jonatan that he might not have a sports car or a city square named in his honour but fatherhood has given him great significance in life. “You were a great dad. You were good at being present,” his wife tells him as they watch old home videos of him with Exner as a young child. In the film’s epilogue, we learn that Lasse is working as a childcare provider, a job that has enough status in Denmark to allow him to rent a decent apartment and where, Exner tells us in the voiceover, “he can accomplish something.” It is a powerful message that gives hope for future generations of men in Denmark and elsewhere. Many countries around the world still give fathers little or no paid leave and attach little importance to their role in raising their children. In addition, a huge stigma in many countries around men working in child care settings means very few do, even if they might like to. Role models like Lasse might encourage other young men to see the rewards in childcare as a profession.
Having won a Special Mention at CPH: DOX 2025 awards in March, The Nicest Men on Earth will be shown on DRTV in the summer. The film will also be exhibited at film festivals around the world over the next year. Exner and Gerdes are looking forward to widening the conversation around Denmark, men and masculinity. “We very much want to talk with people from other countries about what they see in the film and how things are elsewhere,” says Exner.
“Just being able to open up conversation about this is a step in the right direction,” says Gerdes. “And I hope our film shows that if we have to change anything, we have to change the idea of role models. Maybe we have to be the generation that says: Stop, no more. Being a dad now, to a son, I feel I can repair some things and if we could just do a little more each generation, that could be the solution.”
