In Dear Julia, psychologist Julia Jones answers readers’ questions about life between cultures, exploring what it takes to build a meaning and connection as an international in Denmark while staying true to yourself. Write to her here or learn more about Julia’s therapy practice for internationals, called Jaywalk.
The Question (quoted as written – please see editor’s note below)
Dear Julia,
I came to DK 6 years ago for my Master’s degree. After finishing my studies, I was fortunate to stay in DK with a full time job. I’ve dedicated a lot to that job and to fit in Danish society, this included completing danish classes, having volunteer jobs, learning about danish society and even passing the danish culture exam. Finally in August 2025, I was able to submit my application for a permanent residence after “ticking” all the boxes to the many requirements there are. As a non-EU person, this was something I was really looking forward to, it was a milestone for my life here because it would signify that I’m no longer dependent of having a job to have the right to stay and keep the life I’ve built here. Unfortunately, September 2025 came with bad news and I was informed that my job contract was being terminated due to some organizational changes in the company I worked. Suddenly, all the efforts I’ve taken to fit and build a life here have vanished. I now face the uncertainty of whether I can stay or will I be sent back to my home country. I have 4 months in total to find a new job so that I can keep my permanent residence application going, otherwise I need to apply for a job-seeking visa that will grant me 6 more months to get a job. If I don’t succeed in this timeline, that’s it, I need to go back.
How can we as internationals cope with this type of pressure, where time is running, job market is not doing well and, on top of that, you risk losing all you’ve worked for with no safety-net whatsoever? It’s frustrating, sad, overwhelming – you doubt of your capabilities, you doubt of your worth, you cannot find meaning to your actions and efforts because what’s the point of it. You even blame your roots because that’s the reason why you have to face this uncertainty. That’s my story and my question.
Thanks for creating this space, it really resonates with me and I find big support through it.
Dan
The Answer
Dear Dan
I’m so sorry that you are in this situation. It must be incredibly hard to have the promise of permanent residency taken away at the very moment you thought you had earned it. Instead of security, you now face a future where your right to stay is uncertain.
What stands out in your story is how unfair it must feel. Many of us grow up believing that if we do what we are supposed to do, work hard, learn a profession, and follow the rules, life will reward us with stability. But life rarely plays out like that. It can be unpredictable and, at times, deeply unfair. We reach for control, yet much of what shapes our lives is outside our hands. When the uncontrollable happens, a layoff, an accident, or a person hurting us, we are left to make sense of an altered reality and find a new path forward. I imagine that is exactly where you are now.
This kind of shock upsets our mental and emotional balance. The mind has evolved to keep us safe by predicting what comes next. When reality suddenly contradicts what we expected, the alarm goes off. Danger ahead.
For years, you had a job and a clear goal: permanent residency. The rules were hard, but they were predictable. Now both the job and the sense of certainty are gone. Predictability, the mind’s comfort zone, has been replaced by uncertainty, its panic zone.
Uncertainty triggers the body’s threat response. You may know it as “fight or flight,” but psychology now recognises two more states: “freeze,” when energy collapses, and “fawn,” when we try to please others to restore safety. We each tend to have a dominant response that depends on our individual past and our physiology.
All states have in common that the body floods with stress hormones. Sleep, digestion, hearing and concentration, among other functions, are all affected, along with our thoughts and feelings. Normally, the body regulates the threat response up and down flexibly to help us cope with the challenges of life. But when our livelihood, identity, and place in the world are at stake, stress can stay chronically elevated.
This is the reality many non-EU internationals face after a layoff. You ask how to cope in this situation, when time is running out, the job market is grim, and you risk losing everything you’ve built. So let me share with you seven pieces of advice.
1. Name it to tame it
You feel awful because the situation is awful. The doubt, anger, despair, and fear that are showing up, these feelings do not mean there is something wrong with you. They are healthy reactions to an unfair event. Give yourself the grace of seeing these feelings as normal rather than signs of weakness.
2. Find safety in your body
When the body sounds the alarm, self-care is usually the first thing to go. Routines fall apart, meals get irregular, we numb ourselves with screens or alcohol, or hide in bed. Your task now is to counteract that reflex. Be your own caring parent: move, eat, sleep, and keep small rhythms that tell your body it is safe in the present moment.
3. Log in and log out
You cannot keep your mind on the job market or on the thought of having to leave the country all day without burning out. Worrying is a coping mechanism that gives us the illusion of control, but it will not save you. Give yourself windows to lean into the fear and worry, then take a few practical steps towards finding a new job. It can help to work to a schedule rather than a to-do list. Sit at your desk for the hours you have decided on, even when motivation is low. And just as importantly, allow yourself to stop when the day’s share is done.
4. Remember what you’ve achieved
You came to Denmark six years ago, completed a master’s degree, learned the language, and built a career. Those accomplishments don’t vanish because your job ended. You are not who you were six years ago. The skills, discipline, and resilience you developed are still yours. Hold on to this truth.
5. Measure success by values, not outcomes
Your goal of staying in Denmark is outside your control. What is inside your control is how you show up each day. Define what matters to you, perhaps courage, integrity, or kindness, and let your daily actions reflect those. When what you do aligns with your values, as best you can, you are actively creating a rich and meaningful life. That is a success, regardless of the outcomes beyond your control.
6. Trust that you will be okay
This one takes time and inner work. But there is a part of you that already knows your worth is not tied to your visa, your job, or any external status. If you must leave Denmark, you will still be you, and you will still be ok. Maybe even better, who knows. Your drive, your resilience, your values, your dreams, and your motivation to be part of something bigger than yourself live inside of you. They are not tied to a place.
7. Love yourself fiercely
The world can be unfair and increasingly unpredictable, and it isn’t about to change. As winter sets in, your main job is to be on your own side. Whatever the world throws at you, meet it with more kindness and support than you think you deserve. The future was never certain; it only ever felt that way. What can be certain is the way you care for yourself through it.
And Dan, if you can, reach out for help. Talk with friends, family, or a professional who can hold space for your feelings and help you keep moving, one small step at a time. You do not have to face this alone. I hope life will give you what you need and maybe even what you wish for.
All the best,
Julia 🩵🌸
___
Dear Julia appears once a month in Last Week in Denmark. Submit your own question here. Julia is currently taking on new clients for in-person and online therapy sessions. Read more at www.jaywalk.dk, where you can also join her mailing list for updates, upcoming events, and small pieces of inspiration.
Editor’s note: To maintain a psychologically safe and inclusive space, we preserve each contributor’s authentic voice, including their original use of language.
Lovely reply Julia 🥰