Et År
January 22nd was our one-year anniversary (or Daniversary) of moving to Denmark. One whole year. Numerous boxes have been packed, unpacked, packed again, unpacked again and now I never want to move house again for the rest of my life. If I see a moving box, I feel a bit sick. Maybe this means I’ll be living in Denmark permanently. Not sure how the Danish government feels about this. Also I guess I should ramp up my Danish lessons! Our children have got taller and more mature and more opinionated. Daily routines have become more familiar. We have eaten a lot of pastries, navigated many, many national Danish “manage your life in one place” apps and seen a lot of dark mornings. 11am now seems a reasonable time to eat lunch. My wife is still, somehow, finding new LEGO sets to bring home. The cat is…basically the cat. I’m not sure she’s realised she’s in an entirely different country.
We celebrated a year here with a rare mid-week meal out at PaladsPassagen in Vejle, the street food market we first went to less than 24 hours after arriving in the country. I thought I knew how to pronounce PaladsPassagen correctly in Danish but a friend who has been here seventeen years told me last week I was wrong! Welcome to learning Danish, everyone!
I was really late to meet the rest of my family because I missed my train stop. I had been in Aarhus for the day interviewing the owners of PopCultGang, an awesome retro toy shop, for Last Week in Denmark and I was completely absorbed in listening to the audio of the interview on the train. The PopCultGang team are some of the loveliest and most hilarious people I’ve ever met! At some point I was aware the train had stopped. I looked up and saw a sign on the platform that said “Vejle” about a minute too late. I said the F-word, loudly, a lot as I squeezed past all the rush hour passengers but the train doors closed just as I got to them. I said the F-word again, by accident but very nicely to the very sweet DSB train guard, who said the S-word several times in sympathy and made sure I got off the train safely at Fredericia, the next stop a full twenty minutes down the track. I turned myself around and got on the right train back to Vejle and the same lovely DSB train guard, who was also on this train but I assume as part of her job rather than just being stupid like me, didn’t charge me at all for this. I can tell you: if this had happened on any one of the UK’s many privatised train services, the customer service would have been really different. The train guard might well have sworn at me. And I’d definitely have had to pay.
So I was nearly an hour late meeting my wife and children for our one year anniversary dinner. I’d love to say I made this story up to shoehorn in some terrible, laboured metaphor about how life isn’t a straightforward journey but more of a forwards-then-backwards situation, and we all get lost sometimes and how the kindness of our community gets us through when things are tough. But it did actually happen, because I am stupid and sometimes I think I’m winning but then I get ridiculously lost in a car park or reverse my car into a tree or just forget to get off a train. Anyway, the disastrous train journey actually does work as a bit of a metaphor so let’s go with it.
A week later, we had another celebration that I wasn’t late for, with a mix of Scottish, American and Greek friends, and even a Real Danish person, who is also a friend. We didn’t just find him on the street and force him to come. It was Burns Night in Scotland, the national day that marks the birth of the Scottish poet Robert Burns. Normally, this would be celebrated by eating haggis, but since that dish (if you don’t know what it is, you don’t want to know) can’t be obtained in Denmark unless it comes from a tin, we had chilli instead. We also named our Danish version of the day St Stuffin’s Day, in honour of what my friend Becky told her husband the 25th of January is called in Scotland. I forgive this, since my own child, who is Scottish, thinks the day is called Saint Burn’s Day, is celebrated by singing the famous Irish song “Danny Boy” and now speaks with an American accent. From now on, 25th January is St Stuffin’s Day, the day of mixing new traditions with old, and the dish to mark the day is chilli and rice. It’s very international.
For this column, I decided I would be really brave and “interview” each of my children about their reflections on a year in Denmark. My children are pretty verbal. I know people say boys struggle to express their feelings. This is not the case in my house. My children express their feelings frequently and loudly and it’s often difficult to get a word in edgeways. It can feel a bit like living in one of those constructed reality TV shows with staged “emotional moments” when dramatic pop music plays in the background. I’m not sure if my sons talk a lot because they were raised by two mums who talk a lot, or if it’s just because they’re them. Even so, I’ve never asked them these questions directly and I was a bit nervous about the answers. They liked being interviewed! They’re fascinated by the fact my job often involves doing this and I think it made them feel quite special. They were way more sincere than I thought they might be. And food was a definite theme! Here are their unedited, unpolished answers!
What are your favourite things about Denmark?
Nearly 14-year old:
It’s got more of a chilled atmosphere. It’s hard to explain. And it’s not dirty like the UK. The buildings are cleaner. In the UK they’re black and there’s rubbish everywhere.
I liked visiting Copenhagen with my school. I like the way the buildings look. And I like the Rainbow Walkway (at AROS) in Aarhus but also the bit by the harbour with the buffet place (Nicolinehus street food). That’s quite nice. And the PaladsPassagen in Vejle.
Nearly 12-year old:
I really like the community because there’s quite a lot of friendly people. I also enjoy a lot of the stuff and places around Billund. I quite enjoy Vejle and Aarhus. I’m definitely a city child.
It’s a lot less controversial than the UK is. People are less like: “Oh I have to do this every day and then I have to do this otherwise I won’t be able to do this”. They’re a bit more relaxed.
What are your happiest memories from this year?
Nearly 14-year old:
Probably when we went to Copenhagen as a family just before Christmas. I liked Tivoli Gardens, even though you were too scared to come on the big rollercoaster with me.
Nearly 12-year old:
I enjoyed going to LEGOLAND for the first time. It still feels quite special even though we go a lot. And I enjoyed my school trip to Samsø. It was really fun to spend time with people in my class.
How do you think you’ve changed over the past year?
Nearly 14-year old:
I’ve been a bit more sociable. I’ve been better at being a bit more positive. Sometimes things haven’t always been incredible, to be fair.
Nearly 12-year old:
I’m probably less emotional than I used to be. When we first got here it felt like quite a big deal, and it was, but it wasn’t as big a deal as I thought it would be, to be honest. I’m probably more vocal than I used to be as well. Not in terms of singing. In terms of speaking up!
What’s your funniest memory?
Nearly 14-year old:
When we took Uncle Keith on the Polar X-plorer at LEGOLAND and he didn’t know about the surprise scary bit. I don’t want to spoil it by saying! Or when we first went to Lalandia (huge indoor water park in Billund) changing rooms. I just remember it being quite surprising because it was a lot of naked people. I’ve got used to it a bit now. People don’t mind getting naked as much here.
Nearly 12-year old:
Every single time [older son] complained in the car. Like when he would say, “Dua Lipa’s rubbish” and many other things like that. (For context, the nearly 14-year old used to do what we called “hot takes” where every day he would complain very loudly about something, often whatever music we had playing in the car).
What surprised you most?
Nearly 12-year old:
It’s similar to Scotland in some natural ways like the climate and stuff and the democracy (Scotland is a democratic country but maybe doesn’t feel like it all the time!) but I also think it’s quite different in attitudes. There’s a lot more pressure in the UK. Like from stereotypes. There are quite a lot fewer in Denmark. School is quite different. Attitudes are different. They’re more reflective here and they challenge people more to develop their skills. When I first moved I felt like I wasn’t as smart as I used to be and now I’m like “I’m feeling more challenged because I wasn’t that challenged before.”
What are things you don’t like about living in Denmark?
Nearly 14-year old:
The food options in general could be a lot better, especially in Billund. I wish I could bring some more actual good pizza restaurants and more of a variety of restaurants in general. And I’d like to improve the school food. It’s kind of terrible.
Nearly 12-year old:
I wish the food was a lot better. The food wasn’t great in Scotland but we lived in the capital city so it was better. And I also think in Denmark it’s kind of good with the attitudes but even though they don’t have as many expectations of us at school, when they do, they’re higher.
What advice would you give to someone your age who was about to move to a different country?
Nearly 14-year old:
Have stuff that makes you feel at home. Definitely, that helps. Try to make some good friends even if it’s hard. Especially as I’m thirteen. It was kind of hard as everyone had their friends and I had to figure out who I was going to be friends with. What’s a good friend-making tip? Try to find similar interests and talk about them. Don’t just have jokes with them but talk about deep stuff as well, proper conversations. Not just random stuff. Talk about feelings or things.
Nearly 12-year old:
Don’t stress out about it too much and probably just be yourself. Overall I think it hasn’t been as challenging as I thought it would be.