Traditions!! So many of them here in Denmark! It shocked me quite frankly when I first arrived as a newbie “foreigner”. Denmark? A Western country with a deep-rooted culture celebrated with many traditions?!? Surely not! But it’s true. Liberal views, a socialist state, AND cinnamon in your face when you’re not married by 25!
We were recently driving back from the school run, kids in the back, when we stopped at some traffic lights. Right next to us was a lady strapped to a lamppost, wearing large diving goggles, while her family brutally smothered her with cinnamon. Cinnamon was flying everywhere and it smelt like apple pie, even though our windows were closed!
Naturally, this sparked some curiosity in the backseat.
First, the kids thought she was being attacked—maliciously. I reassured them that it was in fact a tradition… reserved only for those unmarried on their 25th birthday (don’t worry, I could see their relief when I told them it didn’t apply to children!).
That one tradition led to a flood of questions: “What other traditions are there, Mama?” And off we went:
- Fastelavn – which they already know well and have taken part in three times already
- Gækkebreve at Easter – decoding who sent a cryptic, yet beautifully cut paper letter
- Sankt Hans Aften – big bonfires where they burn a scarecrow-like figure, because it’s now illegal to burn witches (which is where it all started in the Middle Ages!)
- Æresport – a “Gate of Honour” created from flowers around the couple’s doorway, celebrating 12.5 years, 25 years and 50 years of marriage! 12.5 years gets half the doorway covered as you can see!!!
- Studentervogn – celebrating teens very Danishly with family, food, and copious amounts of alcohol…on a party bus!
- Weddings – snipping the groom’s socks while he’s still wearing them!
- Transition from børnehave to school – the legendary golden boot to the bum! These days, children can opt for a “golden hug” or a gentle nudge with golden clogs.
- And many, many more!
But then came the tradition that was harder to explain: Konfirmation.
In many countries, traditions are deeply entwined with culture and religion. And that’s when the questions from my kids started getting really interesting. Around the same time, I was having some powerful conversations with fellow international parents—about religion. I know, heavy topic! But hear me out.
These weren’t deep theological debates. They were more about belonging. With the recent announcement of a new Pope and Konfirmation season in full swing here in Denmark, it was a discussion I hadn’t fully faced until now.
My husband and I would consider ourselves spiritual but rooted in faith. And, of course, our upbringings have heavily shaped what we believe—and what we “teach” our children. Since becoming a parent, I’ve started to look at my parents so differently, especially in terms of culture.
My parents were born in Africa. My husband’s father too. Our grandparents were born in India. And me? I was born in London—first-generation British Indian (although my husband insists he’s English-Indian, since he’s never been to the rest of the UK!). A taste of my upbringing at Christmas for example was a fusion of African-Indian food, Indian music, watching the Queen’s speech and opening Christmas presents around the Christmas tree!!
Now that our eldest has classmates attending mini-Konfirmation classes, he’s getting curious too. Why do we believe in religion? Do we have to be religious? What kinds of religions are there? All big questions… from a nine-year-old… that I’m still figuring out how to answer.
Sigga Hansen recently wrote a brilliant piece for Last Week in Denmark on this very rite of passage. But I’ve noticed something else too: as more internationals arrive in Denmark, from every faith and background, there’s a growing need for space—to explore and access their own cultures and beliefs. This isn’t about resisting Danish integration—far from it. It’s about finding ways to merge cultures together. Just like my Christmas in England, imagine a Bat Mitzvah with smørrebrød on the table!
But for many of us, spiritual, religious or anywhere in between, it goes deeper. How do we maintain, retain, or even explain our beliefs when the majority of our kids’ peers walk a different path?
This is where clubs and communities for international families have been so important to me. They create that sense of belonging that I grew up with—surrounded by people of similar values. For me, that spiritual upbringing gave me grounding. It gave me a sense of who I was.
So when my son recently told me he felt different from his peers “because he’s English,” my heart ached just a little. He has a wonderful peer group—curious, kind, and inclusive. But kids notice differences. And that curiosity is so important. In fact, we should protect it.
Because if nurtured well, this curiosity will turn into acceptance. Into understanding. Into a world where kids can celebrate Diwali one day and Sankt Hans the next without feeling like they need to choose.
In our little family, we’ve chosen to pass down what feels right—for now. We hope that as our kids grow more curious and understand more, they’ll have the freedom to decide what feels true to them. In the meantime, we’re making a few new traditions of our own, passing on the ones we love, joining communities, and proudly sharing our culture with Danish friends and neighbours.
